In Pyeongchang, preparations are in order to make the 2018 Winter Olympic Games the most well-documented and historically preserved sporting event of all time.
Donnie Chonnieman, president of NBABCSNBS, the entity with international broadcasting rights to the Games, revealed his plan to cryogenically suspend the entire event, athletes and all.
"The Olympic Games are a beautiful spectacle of international cooperation, a time for all lands to unite under the banner of good-natured competition. We are well aware of the founding principles of the Olympics: those of honesty, openness, and the ideal of athletic greatness triumphing over monetary gain. That is why we believe the founders of the modern Games, like those noble Greeks who started them, would be proud of NBABCSNBS for retaining exclusive intellectual rights to the 2018 Olympic Glacier indefinitely," Chonnieman stated at a press conference in Seoul this weekend.
Althetes from all nations have agreed to clinically die as their body temperature is slowly lowered to freezing during the closing ceremony. NBABCSNBS plans to thaw the Olympics to produce 10, 25, and 50 year anniversary specials in the future.